I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He did a backflip because drugs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
