Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
