Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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