in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
