So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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