I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
