i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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