You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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