You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
