'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
