So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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