I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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