so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
