..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
