I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
