I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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