he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
