You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
