Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
