Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
