you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
