I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I deserve this hangover.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
