I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They took my balls.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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