He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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