WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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