It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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