I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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