i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
