i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We talked him into tasing himself.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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