I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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