I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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