he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
