hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
