I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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