The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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