i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
