you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
