Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
