I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
