weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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