the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
