so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
