I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have aggressive nipples.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
