Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
