I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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