U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
