I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
