Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
