You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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