Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
