Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
