Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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